Clarity of your Personal Needs and Personal Values may be the key.  My clients come to coaching for a myriad of reasons: finding the right job, taking the next step in a career, creating a successful business, enjoying  retirement, and finding their life purpose.  What is the common thread in accomplishing all of these desires? Understanding your Personal Needs and Values.

If your personal needs are not getting met you may feel cranky, tired and out of sorts.

If your personal values are not being honored you may feel like your life and work is drudgery, exhausting and a drag.

Here are a few tips to gain clarity on what might be making you feel exhausted and holding you back from living a life of peace, calm and purpose.

Unmet needs will take the steering wheel of your life and drive you until they are met and many times you are not consciously aware that this is happening.

How to determine if we are living out of sync with your needs:

1. Do you find yourself doing exactly the opposite of what you want to accomplish?

2.  Do you find yourself being the tough girl or guy - saying:  “Nah, I don’t need anything from anyone.”

Most likely they are unmet needs.

Are you living out of sync with your personal values? 

1. Do you feel a lack of enthusiasm in your life and/or work?

2. Is it taking a lot of energy to do what you do everyday?

Tips To Get Your Needs Met:

1. Determine the needs that are driving you. A couple of examples:  Are you always hoping for appreciation and not getting it?  Do you feel stifled with a lack of freedom in your life? 

2. Start taking action with yourself – what changes can you make to meet your own needs.

3. What conversations do you need to have at home or at work to get your needs met?

Tips to Uncovering Your Personal Values:

1. Take some down time and list what you have always loved to do. What did you like to do as a child, a teenager and as an adult?

2. Re-engage in some activities that bring you joy, fun or excitement. See if you get into “the zone” and lose track of time. Most likely, it’s a value.

If you are stuck and need help to uncover your core personal values and needs, contact me to complete a needs and/or values assessments to get clarity on both.  Watch your life become easier and flow more naturally, start living in peace and calm, easily attracting new and exciting things in you life.

In a recent meeting with my coach I talked about a conversation I had with a loved one on a touchy subject.  The kind that could morph into one of those “who’s right and who’s wrong” conversations.  

My coach said, “Wow, I just had an “ah ha” moment! I realize the reason I have a “need to be right” is because I stuff my feelings. When a person has an issue with me and I have stuffed all the issues I’ve had with them over time, all those feelings bubble to the surface and I become defensive.  My need to be right then comes to the forefront and the discussion morphs into that dreaded right/wrong conversation.”

We both had real “ah ha” moments as we unearthed that our “need to be right” stems from our pasts.  This need intensifies when we feel unheard or not listened to and many times traces all the way back to our childhoods.

The moral of this story…..Are you stuffing your feelings?

·        Holding off for a better time to have that conversation?

·        Telling yourself you don’t have time for that conversation?

·        Telling yourself it won’t make a difference?

·        AFRAID to have that conversation, lest the other person gets angry or at the extreme discontinue the relationship?

When we stuff our feelings, it’s exhausting and steals our energy. It damages the relationships with those we love most, because we are not being true to ourselves or honest in our most valued relationships and ultimately living authentically. On top of that, stuffing our feelings feeds that “need to be right.”  When we “need to be right,” we push people away and isolate ourselves from those we genuinely love and care about.

If you sense you may have just a little bit of a “need to be right,” check to see if you are stuffing your feelings.  Ask yourself; “Am I feeling “this need to be right” because I have not been upfront and honest with my feelings when they first appeared?”

So, stop holding back and stuffing your feelings.  Make a point to have important conversations right away.  You will feel more at peace and receptive to others feedback as well as notice your “need to be right “disintegrate right before your eyes. This is a great way to become more self-empowered and get one of your personal needs met at the same time.

Tina Elliot, MBA, PCC

Professional Certified Coach

Certified Wellness Coach

ICF (Ethics) Independent Review Board

ICF Credentialing & Accreditation Committee

www.synergycoaching.org

909-860-2732

 LinkedIn www.linkedin.com/in/tinaelliot

Twitter  www.twitter.com/tinaelliot

Facebook  http://tinyurl.com/synergycoaching

We get excited about attaining our desires and dreams in the New Year. We talk about our goals, write them down, and start the New Year off with a bang and then our momentum starts to dwindle. Statistics show by now 45% of us are veering off our plans. What’s happening?

Some typical mistakes in making “resolutions stick” are:

• Setting Unrealistic Goals
• Lack of Clarity About Our Obstacles
• No Support System
• Defining Goals Without A Long-Term Plan

But the one thing that I find hampering the success of my clients in attaining their goals and making long-term changes are their BELIEFS. They don’t believe they can make it happen. They don’t believe they can get the new job, lose the weight, turn their health around, be confident, find the relationship they want or create a successful business.

Underneath all the planning and strategizing our personal belief system gets in the way. If we don’t believe we can make it happen, we won’t – it’s that simple. Our beliefs can be powerful and are typically formed from our past experiences with others that many times go back to our childhood. Our beliefs can be formed from interactions with our parents, teachers, employers, friends and those that love us most. But beliefs are just our thinking, that’s it.

Ask yourself:
“What beliefs do I have that are hampering my success?”
“Do these beliefs really fit who I am today?”
“Is it time to let go of those old beliefs and move on to create the success you desire in 2010?”

But how do you start this process? Here are two book suggestions that I find effective in changing beliefs:

The Biology Of Belief: Unleashing The Power Of Consciousness, Matter And Miracles
by Bruce H. Lipton, PhD.

Having It All: Achieving Your Life’s Goals and Dreams
by John Assaraf

Want a kick-start to design a doable plan for change in 2010? Do you want to go deep and uncover those negative beliefs that have been holding you back for years?

I’ve opened time in my coaching practice over the next 3 weeks for six complimentary 30-minute coaching appointments that will be given to the first six individuals to contact me before February 8, 2010.

Here is how it works:
Call or e-mail me to schedule your appointment
Bring your vision for where you want to be in 12 months.
We will design a high level plan together; gain clarity on your belief system and the challenges that are hampering your success.
Leave the call with next steps, inspiration and feeling more energized and excited about creating the personal success you desire.

It’s not too late to create an effective plan for the year.

To your success in this new decade!

Tina Elliot, MBA, PCC
Professional Certified Coach
www.synergycoaching.org
909-860-2732

Hello Subscribers:

In this issue, I’ll be discussing research results from Coach Richard Leider, Chairman of Inventure Group, regarding purposeful aging.  Richard was granted a fellowship to study purposeful aging in hopes that this information will lead us to Living The Good Life.  There were huge lessons learned and shared by the interviewed elders in this study.  No matter your age, this is an opportunity to ponder on the wise words of the elders and allow their lessons to help us live more meaningful and purposeful lives without regrets.  Yes, I’m talking about The Good Life!  

See the links at the end of this post for a free program and resources to begin living The Good Life!

There were 3 themes reported by the elders of this study that if given the opportunity, they would have done things differently:

1. More Time For Reflection:
They would have slowed things down, pondered and taken the time to ask the Big Questions. (see the Big Questions at the end of this article).

2. More Risks In Work:
Instead of settling for mediocre, they wished they had looked for work that was more fulfilling and rewarding. Possibly the work of: serving others, for a greater good, making a difference or contributing to the world and its people in a bigger way.
 
3. More Risks In Love:
They wished they had taken more time to nurture loving relationships and created closer connections with those most important in their lives. 

We all want to live The Good Life of fulfillment and vitality. But what’s required? Reflection, Courage and Purpose were the essentials reported by the elders. The Good Life is about living in a place you belong, with those you love, and doing the right work, on purpose.

Our lives are a series of peaks and plateaus. Sometimes we hit a plateau where life, work and our relationships are humming right along. And sometimes we can sit on a plateau for years being resistant to change.  If we stay on these plateaus for too long, life can begin to feel stale, boring, exhausting or you may even feel like your inner self is slowly dying.

But then a trigger occurs. Sometimes these triggers are positive but many times they are negative, however they are typically a wake-up call. They can be births, new work, new relationships, deaths, health issues, accidents or a life crisis of some nature. Triggers are the fertile ground of change and growth. You can choose to live in limbo with dulled senses or you can choose to take charge of your life and live with purpose – yes I’m talking about The Good Life.  

When a negative trigger occurs, this is where you get to choose to stay focused on the part of your life that caused the chaos or return to the part of your life that has been neglected. This is the point where you get to decide to move on, create happiness and live on purpose.  Each time this occurs in your life, you will move forward with a greater sense of self-worth and self-confidence. This brings a new urgency to life. 

You can choose to take action: re-emerge, explore, get some help, support or coaching to start looking for what makes you happy and begin living The Good Life – ON PURPOSE. 

When you choose to take charge, the universe will always support you by opening a new door, showing you a new direction or by bringing a new person into your life. But you must slow down, reflect and listen for the messages. I am always amazed at the opportunities I see floating around my clients and they are blind to them. But many times with hindsight, they see the opportunities they missed.

Instead of waiting for the next trigger to move you along your path, you can choose to grab The Good Life - living in harmony, health and joy. It really is up to you – you get to choose.

How to Take Action

1. Take some time to reflect, slow down, ponder and listen to the little voice from deep within you.
2. Start writing about what The Good Life looks like for you. Putting words to paper is a powerful process to solidify your direction, just watch as the opportunities start to appear.
3. Get help and support if you need it: Work with a personal coach or start a group and begin talking about The Good Life.
4. Read a book (see the link below for Richard Leider’s book).
5. Take a program (free below).

Don’t put yourself in a position to look back later with regret. Ask yourself these questions now:
Why don’t I slow down? 
Why don’t I risk more?

The biggest work I’m doing with my clients today is learning how to live with more passion and purpose. Life is a journey; it’s your journey. You can take the powerful advice from the elders or you can cruise along living on your plateau. Instead, start asking yourself these questions NOW:

“The Big” Questions:
What’s next?
Where do I go from here with my life?
Am I living in the place I belong?
Am I doing the right work on purpose?
What work would make me feel like jumping out of bed in the morning?
Is what I am doing making me happy?

Resources to live The Good Life:

Free Program:
To do more in depth self-work on living The Good Life with purpose, order your FREE workbook and DVD set – Discover What Matters from MetLife NOW featuring Coach Richard Leider.

To order, contact MetLife at maturemarketinstitute@metlife.com or call the MMI directly at (203)221-6580. Include your name and mailing address to receive the free 22-page workbook and DVD.

Book:
Richard Leider’s book to help jump-start your progress to living The Good Life on purpose.
Something to Live For: Finding Your Way in the Second Half of Life 
by Richard J Leider and David A Shapiro.  Buy Richard Leiders Book   

Here’s to Living The Good Life!

Tina Elliot, MBA, PCC

Professional Certified Coach